Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Meow Meow comes around

I was in Barnes and Noble when all at once I began to feel really really good. I was heroically riding the escalator to the upper level, one foot raised onto the step in front of me... like Washington crossing the Potomac. I had a mouth full of sweet berry crumble cake and both guns blazing. Etheric energy and light were pouring from the top of my head. Tendrils of warm shimmering green light were arcing some 30 feet above me and then cascading down like thunderous waterfalls of lumniscent horse shit, splattering down to the plaza below.
Like I said, I felt really really good.
"Outta my way Nigga's!" I shouted at the listless marching band of old women who wandered aimlessly around a table of discounted books. They all turned, but only slightly as if they had almost remembered something, but then they forgot it again. They were all humming different tunes that would never hamonize except for the last note, which was always a B flat. I was briefly mesmerized but tore myself away. I was on a mission... but I didn't know that yet.
(to be continued)

Monday, August 29, 2005

Think globably bitches!


Someday I will meet a nice girl on Yahoo personals and we will go to Starbucks, Applebees, and to the AMC movie theatre. We will look into each others eyes and forget everything.
She will take me shopping for a new wardrobe at the Old Navy and suggest Trojan condoms and we will melt into one as radiant bliss!
We will get HAPPILY married and have our wedding registry at Macy's. We will honeymoon in Venice, which after years of neglect was subsumed by the ocean. The name was consequently bought by Disney and a exact replica was built several miles away. We will buy a Honda and our baby will be sponsored by Google's baby name search and our house will be finaced by Bank of America.
I will catch my wife spoon feeding a Re/Max real estate agent a Oreo Blizzard from Dairy Queen and I shoot them both with a Remington Shotgun. I will douse our house with Shell gasoline while sobbing uncontrollably and drinking Jack Daniel's whiskey. Someone will read my fantastic blog, (sponsored by google) and make a movie based on these wild beautiful sad accounts and everyone will see it, much to the thrill of Warner Bros.
Everyone will all know in their hearts, But only realize after it is mentioned by an AP writer for USA today, that if only I had thought globaly and acted localy... perhaps this whole tragic existence coulda been adverted.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Internet dating!


The following is my initial foray into the world of internet dating. I'm not really looking for true love or to have kids or anything but there seems to be a lack of women around me so in a effort or strange advetisement to scare up some femine energy I have enlisted the help of my friend machine!
Anyway I sent this message to a girl, the only girl I might add who looked a little different and wasn't looking for Mr. Right and true love... and she never replied. I know its so sad... maybe she's died or something or maybe she moved or maybe my overzealous patter scared like a young doe back into the woods! HAHAHAHHAA!
you be the judge!

Hey - wow! I've never contacted anyone on a dating onlime thingy before... I feel kinda strange and dirty but yet bouyant and spring fresh... actually I'm not interested in you at all... I'm a add exec and I've contacted you to tell you about some exciting new advances in body wash.
There is a new ginger/mint concoction that is so intoxicatingly smashingly springtastic that even 113 yr old chinese women on thier death beds have been known to tear phone books in half with one hand while sipping Harvey Wallbangers and looking absolutely radiant - so much so that they melt deep arctic frost... and only after 3 weeks of use!!
Actually this is why I am bringing this offer to you and to you alone. If the whole world were to git their grubby little mitts on said body wash all of the polar ice caps would melt and then we would all be very very sad... and wet. But very refreshed and so sassily rejuvinated! Ahh a boy can dream can't he?!!
Sooo Miss *****... if I may be so bold.... yes indeed south Florida is a strange and mysterious place where most are shiny and buff and you can almost hear their neon hearts abuzz beneath the generic thumbing bass - but perhaps once my parole is over... I can move back to South Dakota and finish my sculpture... Mount Rushmore!!!! perhaps you've heard of it???! well it is not finished! the presidents shall be life sized AND NUDE and copulating with the divine mother earth! Ahh what a sight it will be to behold!

As you can tell I am in a strange & fun mood - Its the thunderstorm methinks. Well I hope my little silly rant has brought a smile to your face and I would love to have a cup of coffee or perhaps some exotic green tea or perhaps take in some heart breakingly beautiful french film sometime.
drop me a line
Jade
P.S. if you wanna git liquored up and crank call me in the middle of church tommorrow my cell number is (%$_^!*(@!@ - I'll put you on the speaker phone:)

Friday, August 26, 2005

Little Debbie - Little Debbie! musings

Lets see what happens if I eat a Little Debbie Star Crunch first thing in the morning?
hmmm...
1:41 PM Star Crunch inhaled in all its crunchy chocolatey goodness - actually the after taste is a little chemically- waxy and they are too small! - but you get 12 of these cosmic(tm) snacks for 1.29 so maybe I should have 2?
I know your thinking 1:41pm is first thing in the morning?! and at .10 apiece these things must be made from nuclear waste!
1:41 PM 2cnd Star Crunch eaten - this is Science! people!
My cat is looking at me like she wants one... she smells it for a few seconds and then runs off into the next room to sit in the window sill. Probably needs some fresh air! So I win her over with some Grilled turkey feast in Gravy - Cats Fucking love Gravy!!!
I will make some coffee whilst I wait for the sugar and nuclear waste to kick in...

I decide to make a latte - using my cheap espresso machine Lite vanilla soy milk & Cafe' Bustello - I also decide to play my impeccable collection of pirated mp3's courtesy of Limewire - I play them shuffled - Obsession is the surprise winner of the random shuffling computer program! A big hit by Animation which had been lost in my vague Duran Duran memories file - but now this little gem has been unearthed again for pure fresh enjoyment - I will leave it at that.
My head is feeling a little buzzy and swirls with blissful energy - its a kinda cross between Samadi and a sugar high - the come down of both of these sucks! but the sugar high you can blame on physiology where as the Samadi come down you blame on yourself or God!:)
Screamin' Jay Hawkins is on now putting a spell on me - maybe later I will crash and post cryptic poetry or bitch about how Sex Toys always come in stupid colors or something!
PS the above still life of Little Debbies is a painting by Mollie Moore Armstrong & it can be purchased for $200 here http://www.molliearmstrong.com/still_life_little.htm
ahh now the Jackson 5 - ABC - holy shit! they were good!
Well I gotta go see if I can find that little debbie - little debbie walk like a camel song! TTFNMF!

Thursday, August 25, 2005


Hey its...
Hurricane Time!

I left work early- got some ice, some beer, and some little debbies. Now I am prepared.
and I still have electricity. HAHAHAHAHAH!
I watch preseason football & taunt the Gods! and tommorrow no work!
later I get drunk and wander storm with a angry mob of water fowl!

The High Life



Ahhhh! The human condition!!!

I spent the better part of my life and my entire summer vacation in between 4th and 5th grade trying to figure it all out.

People, I have failed!

So now that I'm done with all of that I guess I'll just hang out and see wha happens.

Monday, August 22, 2005

smiling in mah sleep

HAHA!
I realize I have been serious for quite some time now - I seem to swing between hyperly silly and really really serious... but maybe I'll jump off of this swing and sit down and drink cool cold beer in some late summer dusk with everything... especially you.
I'm tired of all this serious spiritual BS - ohh its OK.
its just so boring - and dumb and pointless.

I don't know anymore

.....and its a damn good feeling.

its kinda like lucid dreaming but I'm done trying to fuck all the girls and done trying to fly... if that happens sure. mmmmm
So I find myself sitting outside my front door as some ancient immortal boy shows me pictures of the last fish he ever caught - he smiles and is happy - he looks at me and laughs and laughs - plays with my ears - and runs off with some other kids
Its strange how much enjoyment everything is mmmmmmmmm.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Abandon


I've been hypnotized by tantalizing glimples
that have magicaly been turned into a dream
a dream of what life could and should be.

I think I was born with it
and it fucking taunts me
every step of the goddamn way!

OK!!! I'm ready for it to fucking happen!
I'm ready for my inheritence!
I'm ready to finaly open up and be!
and to let life & love all run ripshod on through me
with women dancing abandoned
to mind blowing music...
a music that my heart has always known.

I wonder if Christ had the same knawing delusions
as he hung on a piece of wood in his tore up dirty undies
a muddy hile in some vacant lot
surounded by a few assholes and some cops
his friends all done run off
momma crying and a girl he didn't have the guts to love
...abandoning them again
just as God had abondoned him


dying the worst death immaginable...
a failed life
a heart falling short of its aim
nothing he could do

wonder if he knew that millions would be slaughtered in his name?
and if he did - why not just keep turning the water into wine
and kiss the girl?
the son of God and what a shitty life...
what a fucking loser
just like me

maybe he had no choice or power to change a thing?

but don't take anyones word for it.
least of all mine
just go on ahead and hop in and go where you wanna go!
but when the car goes left...
no matter how hard you crank the wheel to the right...
when you slide over the edge
into the wreck of existence
know that this is a free ride
and you were born into it
you've got no control

The steering wheel
steers nothing but your delusions.

ya might as well sit back and relax
like that fat boy sitting under the tree
or that jew nailed to it
you can scream or be silent
you can chant mantras, meditate or pass out
it don't matter

there aint no one to hear you in any way
but everything
we all die alone.
All is abandon
there is no thing...

fuuuuck
and this don't mean a thing
until it is.

when you go over the edge
the edge that is always right here
you know, the inevitable edge?!
when God abandons you
when you abandon you & the dream of life-n-love
who knows...
who is left?

see what happens...
live in this abandon
and find out

Who are you?

Weekly youtube GEM!

Sluggo + Alan Watts + old hawaiian music = Joy!