everyone has thier Waterloo

I've been riding the rollercoaster lately... and I have begun to notice that whatever the predominant feeling is... at any given moment - the other half of the experience is always right here, deep within the mix.
I have noticed this... that when I feel really good there seems to be a tether, a few strands of fear that whisper to me "The higher you go, the harder the fall." like some kinda karmic ballast.
But in this moment, I eat every last bit of it. Every last bit of the experience is sopped up with the bisciut of existence. I laugh and cry, sob and smile until I merge and explode into the lion of the heart. But even in this heart there is a small hole murmur.
The lion is mortal as all experience is. Nothing lasts. The gods will tire and put us all away - much like a game of monopoly.
pieces houses babies kisses shotgun blasts and hotels - they and more, all come and go.
The boy runs hot. The boys runs cold. The boy trickles and drips like a bored leaky faucet. And its not enough to quench anyones thirst, only enough so as to taunt those who are thirsty. Either the cup has hole in it or your thirst is endless...
The fix is in my friends!
- so sit back and enjoy this free game, where you are taken for everything yer worth - theres not a bad seat in the house!

indeed!

Ahhhhh! then I gits drunk and I fall in love with everything again
I have a friend or three, that I especially like -
but ssshhitt!
I can really honestly say I enjoy everything... soo deeply!
sometimes I am overcome with sadness
or petty traffic angery
its like a strange weather
and then... other times...
such peaceful bliss
such quiet slo- motion exploding - laughing for like ever after
hmmm..... how is it one comes to find oneself
confessing thier love to a machine that feeds you?!!

"It all just happens" says a fat retarded kid.
"Well, no shit socrates!" I smile, tusling his hair and shattering his fear
with this like all devouring love.
and the fat retarded kid is hip - he pitches me a nickle and roars for like ever after.
and I can still taste his chocolate milk joy
in the purr of the eternal soul of being
Ahhfuckinmen! you beautiful awesome fucks!
- Sugar Delicious

the test

I am really, really stoned so I apologize…

Just sitting here thinking about experiences and people
And a strange smile
A shit eating grin is plastered on my face.

Its all so gooddamn mind blowingly wild
Who gives a shit about me or anyone else
Everything just having all its experiences
Tap dancing around itself like
Lovers
Like murderers
Like bad Jim Morrison poetry.

Two people hiding the same snack from one another
In the same fridge

How deliciously mad!
A World War III of love

Its better that than nothing!
Alone?!!! Its just a torturing Death!
One man Waiting for Godot
And not even a audience
Not even a puppy
Happy to see him… (laughter)

I read a poem one time in one of them high school poetry mag compilations, about someone wondering if Jesus Christ had a dog – so when he was hanging on the cross he didn’t feel lonely. I laughed and then I cried but then I was left with this same silly shit eating grin…

The same one as I have now.

Life is hard sometimes and its strange and painful and boring – sometimes its wonderful love and laughter and ease – like /***98(cat typing) silence – it is a complete mystery to me that is sooo simple that I can’t even begin to speak about it... nor can I stop babbling.
(laughter) thankfully it doesn’t matter.

Thank God! I was worried that there was going to be a test.
(more laughter)

wanderin

The same ant wanders in the sun
same as the wind & smell of autumn
same from when I was a child

the same joy
or dissapointment

the whim of desire

fullfilled or unfullfilled

and thats a lot of llll's
they seem to go on and on

some say that we are going somewhere
others say that we have already arrived

the ant don't say nothing - and I agree whole heartedly with the wind

whats gonna happen... is whats gonna happen - so relax

it can be painful - till everything jangles all loose and free
nightmares and beautiful dreams
chase each other like a strange form of intergalactic grab ass
the momentum keeps the whole thing afloat
til god knows when
thankfully
sorrowfully
forever don't exist
it was just some kinda idea

you can hold anything up
look at it
and sooner or later
it'll be profound
or stupid
boring
funny
everything and nothing

and while I'm in the pulpit I may as well sum up the Bagavad Gita...

Summer had just ended. I had just started 5th grade after the Labor Day weekend. All of my classmates were, one by one getting up in front of class and reading their requisite "What I did last summer" story. I of course whom had a pechant for not doing silly wastefull things like homework, had no such report to give.
Who has the time for homework when you have a Donald Duck impression to work on and war scenes to draw.
So when I got up to give my report, I held a few oddly blank pages... I stood in the front of class and the tension built a few beats.
"What I did on my summer vacation. by Jade Bos
I got drunk and I fell down..."
My 5th grade teacher, Jean Claudon, had very long and sharp finger nails, I remember thinking over the din of laughter as she drug me out into the hall - she shook me like a muppet and she had this hot & spitting breath. Over the years I would come to know many a shaking woman with hot spitting breathe - that and the tear red vibrantly alive eyes - like somekinda betrayed magical animal that was beyond all comprehension - they seemed to be looking for something and thought I might have it or be keeping them from it... but I guess I always kept it well hide - red heart in a dense black tangle.
Glimpses - dreams - a clearing in the forest
a simple quiet moment
bouldless joy
for no reason at all