Lion of the Heart

Back in the days before spam, I used to send people e-mails from made up personas.
If my persona was a girl, all the boys would reply
with mucho enthuso!
But the girls would always be suspicious,
"WHO ARE YOU?!! - HOW DID YOU GET MY ADDRESS!"
How strange and different it must be to be a woman.

And then when spam started I would reply to the spam, curious as to why I would want horse cock and low finacing and who were they and really who am I? Who are WE? and what does it all mean... ect

but my queries always just got sent back to me unanswered

So of course I grew frustrated and took drugs,
like any quaker would. I began carrying smooth things in my pockets and babblin' reading dictionaries and laughing and laughing.

My friends became worried and somewhat annoyed, but people and experiences I had never known would wander into my play.

A man at ease with chaos and contradictions
is hard to find I guess
but I proved to be unstable
like a drunken little bird
or a crazy person on the street
so much fun for a few minutes
but no one ever took me home

so I just roamed and grew wilder and crazier
like some dandelion comet
like a box of kittens that turn out to be rabid

I wanted everybody to love me
but I also wanted to be worshipped
ask Keourac about how beautifully painful that is
people can only worship dead things
and most are afraid to love something they can't
control

So now I find myself sitting on the porch
and I can smell dinner cooking
I can even see the family through the screen door
but i can't come in
and they can't hear me, even if I did have the guts to scream

but then the gods yawn
and everybodies swallowed whole again
a robot wanders outta the barn
and lights my cigarette
and tells me I should stop carring on so

"its all a play and a gift
so whattya so afraid of?!!! he skreaked

Death?

Only if yer scared ta truly live are ya scared of death
cuz then death comes and you realize you never lived
never spoke your heart
and that hurts - that really fucking hurts"

"So I guess I'm just afraid of looking foolish?!!"
I mutter to no one imparticular
The robot just looks at me and laughs and laughs
till he jangles and stumbles
and all his bolts come loose and he is reduced to nothing but a
pile
of scrap - but then the pile twitters and chirps all
busy and small
and alights into a flock of birds
that flies away singing

and I begin to weep suddenly
till I feel a lion move in my heart
and this resonates through my whole being
until there is a kind of breaking open like the sun
devouring the chill that I thought I was

AHAHAHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!

from him to her

just to say something that will resonate
in your heart
of your whole being

so that you will come to know nothing
but this
so you will finally know that you are love
that have always been love
and will always be love

and all the searching and wanting
all the desires
and the longing that is always
here

is in fact
your heart
your heart is singing

I can feel it
deeper than any sound
because it resonates in my heart as well
for they are the same

I can see and feel it rather plainly
as I'm sure some others do

but we all feel so goddamn lost and shy
like we don't fit or belong
so we pretend and try to fit

instead of having the guts
to call out all the bullshit
and openly live

I need you
or more simply
I need your singing heart
it keeps me honest
it gives me the guts

to cut through all the BS
not just the worlds
but yours and mine

so we can meet in this heart
and be destroyed and reborn
again and again
as love

2 old men

2 old men approach each other
in the early morning green

thier tiny dogs
lunging
with teeth bared

the wind

slowly winds down
the street
aimless & wandering

like some
old man trying
to remember
trying very hard
to remember
what it was
that was so
important
that caused such
a fuss

but now he's
happily lost
wandering in the
fragrant shade

nothing left but a
child

Wildly

wildly growing and flowing all around
this...

what is this?

who are you?

you who gives birth and takes life
you who murders and makes love
you who comes and goes
you who suffers terrible loneliness
you who gets lost in the crowd

you
wonderful
awful

destroyer & creator


I've seen you smile outta the corner of my eye
at funerals
I've seen you openly weep in loves full embrace
and I've felt you shaking in the darkness
I've drank your silence in the bright early morning

I've seen you wrung out in boredom
lost and tired
frustrated by the complete meaninglessness

I've felt your sighs rip open into roaring laughter until your head fell off
and you were new once again

like a child

fresh and simple
again and again

wildly growing and flowing all around...