Lion of the Heart

Back in the days before spam, I used to send people e-mails from made up personas.
If my persona was a girl, all the boys would reply
with mucho enthuso!
But the girls would always be suspicious,
"WHO ARE YOU?!! - HOW DID YOU GET MY ADDRESS!"
How strange and different it must be to be a woman.

And then when spam started I would reply to the spam, curious as to why I would want horse cock and low finacing and who were they and really who am I? Who are WE? and what does it all mean... ect

but my queries always just got sent back to me unanswered

So of course I grew frustrated and took drugs,
like any quaker would. I began carrying smooth things in my pockets and babblin' reading dictionaries and laughing and laughing.

My friends became worried and somewhat annoyed, but people and experiences I had never known would wander into my play.

A man at ease with chaos and contradictions
is hard to find I guess
but I proved to be unstable
like a drunken little bird
or a crazy person on the street
so much fun for a few minutes
but no one ever took me home

so I just roamed and grew wilder and crazier
like some dandelion comet
like a box of kittens that turn out to be rabid

I wanted everybody to love me
but I also wanted to be worshipped
ask Keourac about how beautifully painful that is
people can only worship dead things
and most are afraid to love something they can't
control

So now I find myself sitting on the porch
and I can smell dinner cooking
I can even see the family through the screen door
but i can't come in
and they can't hear me, even if I did have the guts to scream

but then the gods yawn
and everybodies swallowed whole again
a robot wanders outta the barn
and lights my cigarette
and tells me I should stop carring on so

"its all a play and a gift
so whattya so afraid of?!!! he skreaked

Death?

Only if yer scared ta truly live are ya scared of death
cuz then death comes and you realize you never lived
never spoke your heart
and that hurts - that really fucking hurts"

"So I guess I'm just afraid of looking foolish?!!"
I mutter to no one imparticular
The robot just looks at me and laughs and laughs
till he jangles and stumbles
and all his bolts come loose and he is reduced to nothing but a
pile
of scrap - but then the pile twitters and chirps all
busy and small
and alights into a flock of birds
that flies away singing

and I begin to weep suddenly
till I feel a lion move in my heart
and this resonates through my whole being
until there is a kind of breaking open like the sun
devouring the chill that I thought I was

AHAHAHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!