The Secret

There was a grand old turtle who knew everything. It was said that his knowledge was limitless…

Of course I wanted to go and see him. In a world full of know it alls, I could always use more 'it' to know all about. So I wandered and searched. I asked here and there. Read some books about all of it along the way. After a while I became a bit of an expert and was even asked to speak at several forums… I contributed some magazine articles and of course there was talk of a book.

Life was going pretty good. I was on a business trip/vacation when one night after a big meal out with some friends, at some steamy jazz club on the beach, I had wandered out to get some fresh air and silence. God Damn! Them jazz clubs are loud!

It was nighttime and the starry sky was crisp and startling – the breeze felt good as did the sand in my toes – the crash of the waves… ahhhhhhh!!! I searched my suit coat pockets for a cigarette.

I saw a large shadow several yards in front of me – I stopped as the shadow seemed to be making noises and heaving – was it a couple having a late night frolic? Was it the bum I saw earlier? I approached cautious and slow.

It was a giant sea turtle! A closer look and it was laying eggs and burying them on the beach. Holy Shit! I had forgotten all about the turtle. It was massive larger than the span of my arms and its dark shell seemed to almost be glowing in some strange moving patterns – perhaps it was the wine. The massive old turtle turned its head. It was looking right at me. Looking into me it felt. I sank to my knees. I was unable to speak. I wanted to say something. I wanted to ask. But I was just so overwhelmed.

My heart pounding and awestruck.

The turtle then finished burying it eggs and began to drag its ancient mass back into the sea. “Wait!” I protested. “don’t go.. I need to know! I… something… I!!” But the massive old turtle just splashed into the surf all the same and disappeared into the depths saying nothing.

On the way to my car later that evening/early morning, a bum stopped me for a light and then a cigarette “Ya know, chuckled the bum, I coulda swore I heard the turtle whisper ‘dumbass’ as she sunk under the waves!” I smiled and then laughed, laughed pretty hard.

“What was that all about?” asked my girlfriend as we got in the car. “I haven’t a clue.” I said, still smiling, handing her a cigarette.

Free Pony Rides!!!

I had a dream that I was a pony... but I was a ponythat I can't quite describe.

I was a pony of shared experience, perhaps is the best way to put it. I was a pony who seemed to let all the other things about me, experience my existence. Rocks would spend half of the morning chuckling as they trotted about to and fro – bucking and jumping. I assure you that rocks are quite happy to enjoy such things, that while they may be normal and even boring for a pony, are indeed quite a treat for a flat smooth blue stone.

One time while in a café, the pony is said to have drank 14 cappuccinos and have 14 slices of carrot cake – it should be noted that 13 bunnies and a wise old toad lived together just down the lane and were heard making loud scrumptious smacking noises most of the very same morning.

It was all so funny and curious that after a while I myself began to wonder when I was the pony… was the sly old snoring cat, me? and where was the pony? Was he giving mass to a transfixed audience in the Vatican? Was he fighting a war? Tossing pizza dough to the delight of a bunch of small children… who we all know were really mischievous squirrels playing hooky from school?

Overseas Working

Hey I'm gonna be in Venice for 5 weeks hopefully they'll have internet, but its Italy and they like to change the rules a lot.

Love in the butcher shop

God has sentenced us all to death – sentenced us to a lot of things actually.

I went to have a word with him once about all of it, but I didn’t find anything but a buncha weirdos and some paparazzi.

bumming a cigarette from a young photographer
I asked, “So have you ever seen him?”

“Oh sure, whispers the wide eyed kid, but you have to know where to look. You have to be sensitive. He can wear many disguises…”

“Does he ever dress up as a pony?” I smirked.

“Not that I’ve seen, but I think I’ve heard mention something about it once…” he trailed off, as did I.

I wondered off for a cup of hot black coffee, smiling about the idea of God and the Devil in a 2 man pony suit – clopping around, seemingly half lost on some arcaic battlefield, full of fragile fragile men.

Poor kid – first no santa – then no true love and now? Well, perhaps the idea of no God would just be to much for him to bear. So the mystical crystal dream of a shapeshifting deity will have to entertain. Until the sentence comes around.

I was kinda lucky in that all of my china was smashed up when I was young. And now, I don’t have to worry much about it. Now I only have to deal with other people giving me theirs. Filling up my empty old shelf.

Of course the door opens from time to time… as doors do. And God and the Devil put on the big bull suit... time for another heartbreaking silly waltz round the china shop.
Close calls and near falls – gasped hot delicate breath.
and sometimes all is lost – sometimes its just nicks and chips.

but the shopkeeper girl always refills the shelves – for barter or destruction.

Glass kittens – crystal buddhas – a little porcelain girl, that I’m so very found of.

.... Mad ramblin's of the truck stop drifter

Hot Karl ate the candy that I had hidden in the icebox. I had no proof, but yet somehow I knew this truth in my very bones. This fact was an inseparable part of my existence. I did not want it to be thusly, but yet there it was… like a panic attack in a traffic jam, there was no way out of or around it.

I would have to confront him or suffer the continual loss of the only thing that I held dear and true in this mad mad world gone wrong.

Every night I awoke in a cold sweat. Out of lucid dreams were I was forced to watch as Hot Karl nibbled his way more and more into my life. He ate my hidden candy. Bought his way into the most intimate ways and imaginations of my very being… with Reese’s Pieces and Milk Duds.

That Fucking Son of a Bitch!!!!!

He would not rest or stop until he had devoured my whole existence. That mad ravenous loon! Oh if I could only stop him!! If only I had my old voice back. Perhaps he would listen to my #1 rap hits and take a brief respite, but he would not, nor would he ever let up. He ripped me open and I fell outta my wrapper, naked into his calloused hands from the word go. From my very birth and until my impending death I was being hunted.

This all went on maddeningly so until one day while sampling different varieties of jam, I realized that it had been completed. Hot Karl had eaten me all.

It was done.

He had finally devoured every last bit.

I sat quiet and looking – waiting for quite some time. But nothing happened. All had ceased.

That which was Hot Karl and that what was me had merged or perhaps you could say that in the devouring, that we were in fact the same, was revealed unto me.

Everything has been quite peaceful ever since. And now I wander about watching others run about and amuck. Running from Hot Karl. Running from the devourer.

I sit and laugh and sure some think its rude… but they’ll see. I have a knife and a fork in my pocket… I’ll show them... I will run them down and corner them.

I will eat their very fear. Showing them how good it is… there is nothing to be afraid of… We will have a communion and it will be revealed onto them as well, that we are indeed all one flesh!

Deez Nuts

Drinking a cup of golden glitter with Socrates – I find myself wondering about it all – how we all come and go – like some strange cosmic chorus line.

Socrates drank every last drop without a moments hesitation – perhaps his greatest teaching. Christ too had a cup to drink but he wasn’t exactly thrilled.

Ahh hell, we all have a special bottle tucked away, mixed in with the rest of the stock at the bar. And this life is a bit of a drinking game. You must drink. So why not heartily? No one knows, though we all suck up to the bartender, but even he has never met the owner… for all we know there might not even be one.

I have a shot glass filled with a small plane ride into the Bahamas. Me and a few co-workers line em up. I aint thrilled. Its always a stiff drink. I don’t like planes. The caveman in me can’t come to grips with it… but the little kid in me loves the frosted side.

Well here goes.

Whiskey straight up - A little life and death on the side for splashing.