The following is my initial foray into the world of internet dating. I'm not really looking for true love or to have kids or anything but there seems to be a lack of women around me so in a effort or strange advetisement to scare up some femine energy I have enlisted the help of my friend machine!
Anyway I sent this message to a girl, the only girl I might add who looked a little different and wasn't looking for Mr. Right and true love... and she never replied. I know its so sad... maybe she's died or something or maybe she moved or maybe my overzealous patter scared like a young doe back into the woods! HAHAHAHHAA!
you be the judge!
Hey - wow! I've never contacted anyone on a dating onlime thingy before... I feel kinda strange and dirty but yet bouyant and spring fresh... actually I'm not interested in you at all... I'm a add exec and I've contacted you to tell you about some exciting new advances in body wash.
There is a new ginger/mint concoction that is so intoxicatingly smashingly springtastic that even 113 yr old chinese women on thier death beds have been known to tear phone books in half with one hand while sipping Harvey Wallbangers and looking absolutely radiant - so much so that they melt deep arctic frost... and only after 3 weeks of use!!
Actually this is why I am bringing this offer to you and to you alone. If the whole world were to git their grubby little mitts on said body wash all of the polar ice caps would melt and then we would all be very very sad... and wet. But very refreshed and so sassily rejuvinated! Ahh a boy can dream can't he?!!
Sooo Miss *****... if I may be so bold.... yes indeed south Florida is a strange and mysterious place where most are shiny and buff and you can almost hear their neon hearts abuzz beneath the generic thumbing bass - but perhaps once my parole is over... I can move back to South Dakota and finish my sculpture... Mount Rushmore!!!! perhaps you've heard of it???! well it is not finished! the presidents shall be life sized AND NUDE and copulating with the divine mother earth! Ahh what a sight it will be to behold!
As you can tell I am in a strange & fun mood - Its the thunderstorm methinks. Well I hope my little silly rant has brought a smile to your face and I would love to have a cup of coffee or perhaps some exotic green tea or perhaps take in some heart breakingly beautiful french film sometime.
drop me a line
Jade
P.S. if you wanna git liquored up and crank call me in the middle of church tommorrow my cell number is (%$_^!*(@!@ - I'll put you on the speaker phone:)
9 comments:
It could be much worse. I told a guy eariler that I though his pictures look good, but he read like a real asshole. He wrote back "Ugly and bitter is no way to travel through life!" I went and replied, telling him that I agreed, but it really depended on what you think beauty is ... but he blocked me. DIssed. On Cyberspace. The cruest cut.
Yes! I was once kicked outta a internet forum called "The way of the heart" and all of my posts were erased!
well I had to take out the spam... I shall devote a nice long post to this later
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