Meow Meow drinks beer!!!

Happy New Year!

2008-01-03T02:23:00.001-05:00

I’m just an errand boy these days

I wake up in the morning

On an errand for my bladder

A couple errands for my cat

An errand for my caffeine deprived brain and mah belly

Another errand as I hear a stretching coo from a girl in the bedroom

I don’t know who sends me these errands

And I’m not always thankful at first…

But the errand boy comes around.

Sure he used to make a big deal and a fuss

Always wanting more

But errand boys always do that when they’re new

Most of em refuse to even be referred to as errand boys

Some will get downright mad… even violent.

It’s a shame

Hopefully someday they’ll come to know the peace

The pure mindless fucking joy

That comes with being a simple

Errand boy.

a chorus with no audience ie. "FUCK YEAH!!!

2007-09-21T15:38:00.001-05:00

I was at the liquor store

Filling my cart for a surprise party

After fussing with 10 year bottles of this and that for a couple of lifetimes

I went to cash out

But there was no one

No one but an open door

I looked out the door

And there was an old man wandering off in the distance

He wore a flowing kimono and jingly jangly bells

“HEY ED!’ I yelled, ‘wha the who the fuck is minding the store!”

He turned and waved and then turned back to wanderin over some hill.

Hmmmm… well free booze I guess – but when I turned around to go back in

There was nothing but rolling black space and a lot of stars

“surprise!” said the cosmos, said the voice in my head.

and Just one more thing...

2007-09-14T23:45:00.000-05:00

I feel for the religious folks…

perhaps God is larger than you know?

and I feel for the atheist

maybe life is more than you could possibly imagine?

I fall in between all these things

Dripping or pouring.

And I enjoy finding myself in the anger and strife

In the impossible predicament

That comes around, just so

Just so poignant that I could never...

Until I aint

Until it is

Free and wildly wanderin’ about

I am the religious folk

I am the atheist

I wildly vacillate like the weather and wind

I contently want more and I can do nothing

but laugh at the loss

marvel at the gift

The loss and the gain

Mystery in its nuance

unknowing

Like a heckler at a funeral

a dog licking a mortal wound

Like an ice cold beer that tastes like your first

Anything

Its yer first and last everything

This moment

This coffee table zen BS

The rusty old life

Alive and crakling

Damp and forlorn

Yeah rip me off a piece of that

Bring it up here so’s I can chew it

chew on it and remember

So I can chew it and know.

Its pouring

Outside and in

the sound of water devouring itself...

2007-09-09T00:23:00.000-05:00

It can get ridiculous

before you break even.

You can swing wildly from side to side

before the pendulum comes to rest

as any gambler can attest

and I don’t know about you but

I’ve met content beggars and restless Kings

And it isn’t that the pendulum stops

Sheoot! Nothing ever stops.

It just breaks down…

Free and easy

And Incredible loose

Wildly loose

Even so, that you begin to wonder

You begin to curiously question

Just wha the who the fuuck

Is runnin the gawdam show.

How it is

2007-09-01T00:03:00.001-05:00

I knew a man who used to place ant traps out in his kitchen. A few years later he lined the tiles with honey… it was a different kitchen. He would watch with a peculiar joy the coming and going of the ants – then some odd years after that he put the ant traps back out again.

“Life is a boundless mystery.” said a lizard, thoughtfully smoking a pipe.

I smiled and nodded - then laughed and pounded my knee – then broke into deep uncontrollable sobbing – after I cycled through these various reactions for several minutes – the lizard suggested that I go and wash my face in the bathroom and to look at myself in the mirror.

If he hadn’t of done that I prolly would have gotten all excited and lined my kitchen tile with honey again…

Momma wouldn’t have liked that!

The leading authority on mysticism

2007-08-31T23:17:00.001-05:00

I look upon this picture and I try to put myself into Spock's perspective - to try an imagine what he is thinking - other than that how he's a metaphor for logic surrendering itself in an act of love and how so very groovy that feels.

In researching Spock on the worldwideweb I stumbled across what his last words were before his death.

and I thought you to might like to read them.

"Sure I tried to figure it all out. And by it I mean God, Life, Sex, Love, Death – you know… IT.

So yeah, I tried to figure it all out.

I think some of us are WIRED to try and figure it all out. And further even some are even wired TO figure it all out. What anyone who has figured it all is really doing... I’m not too sure. But they are REally damn confident about it.

Who wouldn't be?!!

I mean Hey! I wanna be confident too… cuz that’s how you get all the chicks, right Jim?

No seriously, does anyone know how to sublimate onesself into the always merging feminine? Cuz gawd dam! I could really go for summa that right now man!

Anywhoo…

...what the hell wuz I talking about again ?

Oh yeah, God. So why is it again that some people are still trying to convince other people on what god is? I mean aren’t their better things to do when yer high? Like fuck and eat ice cream? I mean geez... take it easy sugar

you don't think god doesn't get obliterated and hit the taco bell drive thru at 3 in the morning?"

Take and eat...

2007-08-04T14:24:00.000-05:00

I'm of the strong opinion that if for communion we instead got to sit in God's lap and eat of his luxurious cotton candy beard...
The world would be like 15 times cooler.

Gems from Gerald Ford's personal diary

2007-07-25T12:36:00.000-05:00

“ I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a human heart, the muffler salesman slurred, but its no bigger than them there $5 dollar margaritas they sell at Applebees.”

Later on I mused that perhaps my heart, is in fact nothing but a $5 margarita.

Lime, on the rocks, with salt on the rim.

Does the pope shit in the woods?!!

2007-07-12T21:38:00.000-05:00

If yer lucky and ya keep showing up - sooner or later the pope will wander outta the back door of the Vatican – on thru the parking lot – past all the tail gaiters and retards, a barbequeing & a see-sawing – he'll wander off into the fields and into the woods... lost and content... and all will be peaceful.

that is until the bears get a wiff of him

And then the real communion will begin.

$200,000,000.00 buys a lotta pop-tarts!!! =)

2007-03-17T06:02:00.000-05:00

When I was an early teen I had all these sexual urges that I knew nothing about how to release or to satisfy. There was a lady who rented a room across the hall from my bedroom and I prayed to God most nights that perhaps he could arrange it so she would come into my room and show me.

Of course I realized after awhile that God didn’t care for such hanky-panky or women in general, so it would seem… so I began in earnest to pray to the devil for his deliverance and guidance.

To my surprise the devil did show up, but much to my chagrin he just went over and fucked the hell outta the neighbor lady. He never even let me watch! Then smiling in the morning as he tiptoed on his little fucking hooves up the stairs, he hummed bawdily as he took the last of the strawberry pop-tarts. It was there and then that I rededicated my life to Christ and began the 700 club ministries.

Now Glory Halleluiah to God! I have Strawberry pop-tarts every morning for breakfast!!!

Praise be to Jesus!!!!!

The Secret

2007-03-02T11:41:00.000-05:00

There was a grand old turtle who knew everything. It was said that his knowledge was limitless…

Of course I wanted to go and see him. In a world full of know it alls, I could always use more 'it' to know all about. So I wandered and searched. I asked here and there. Read some books about all of it along the way. After a while I became a bit of an expert and was even asked to speak at several forums… I contributed some magazine articles and of course there was talk of a book.

Life was going pretty good. I was on a business trip/vacation when one night after a big meal out with some friends, at some steamy jazz club on the beach, I had wandered out to get some fresh air and silence. God Damn! Them jazz clubs are loud!

It was nighttime and the starry sky was crisp and startling – the breeze felt good as did the sand in my toes – the crash of the waves… ahhhhhhh!!! I searched my suit coat pockets for a cigarette.

I saw a large shadow several yards in front of me – I stopped as the shadow seemed to be making noises and heaving – was it a couple having a late night frolic? Was it the bum I saw earlier? I approached cautious and slow.

It was a giant sea turtle! A closer look and it was laying eggs and burying them on the beach. Holy Shit! I had forgotten all about the turtle. It was massive larger than the span of my arms and its dark shell seemed to almost be glowing in some strange moving patterns – perhaps it was the wine. The massive old turtle turned its head. It was looking right at me. Looking into me it felt. I sank to my knees. I was unable to speak. I wanted to say something. I wanted to ask. But I was just so overwhelmed.

My heart pounding and awestruck.

The turtle then finished burying it eggs and began to drag its ancient mass back into the sea. “Wait!” I protested. “don’t go.. I need to know! I… something… I!!” But the massive old turtle just splashed into the surf all the same and disappeared into the depths saying nothing.

On the way to my car later that evening/early morning, a bum stopped me for a light and then a cigarette “Ya know, chuckled the bum, I coulda swore I heard the turtle whisper ‘dumbass’ as she sunk under the waves!” I smiled and then laughed, laughed pretty hard.

“What was that all about?” asked my girlfriend as we got in the car. “I haven’t a clue.” I said, still smiling, handing her a cigarette.

Free Pony Rides!!!

2007-01-31T16:04:00.000-05:00

I had a dream that I was a pony... but I was a ponythat I can't quite describe.

I was a pony of shared experience, perhaps is the best way to put it. I was a pony who seemed to let all the other things about me, experience my existence. Rocks would spend half of the morning chuckling as they trotted about to and fro – bucking and jumping. I assure you that rocks are quite happy to enjoy such things, that while they may be normal and even boring for a pony, are indeed quite a treat for a flat smooth blue stone.

One time while in a café, the pony is said to have drank 14 cappuccinos and have 14 slices of carrot cake – it should be noted that 13 bunnies and a wise old toad lived together just down the lane and were heard making loud scrumptious smacking noises most of the very same morning.

It was all so funny and curious that after a while I myself began to wonder when I was the pony… was the sly old snoring cat, me? and where was the pony? Was he giving mass to a transfixed audience in the Vatican? Was he fighting a war? Tossing pizza dough to the delight of a bunch of small children… who we all know were really mischievous squirrels playing hooky from school?

Overseas Working

2007-01-08T09:12:00.000-05:00

Hey I'm gonna be in Venice for 5 weeks hopefully they'll have internet, but its Italy and they like to change the rules a lot.

Love in the butcher shop

2006-12-23T11:53:00.000-05:00

God has sentenced us all to death – sentenced us to a lot of things actually.

I went to have a word with him once about all of it, but I didn’t find anything but a buncha weirdos and some paparazzi.

bumming a cigarette from a young photographer
I asked, “So have you ever seen him?”

“Oh sure, whispers the wide eyed kid, but you have to know where to look. You have to be sensitive. He can wear many disguises…”

“Does he ever dress up as a pony?” I smirked.

“Not that I’ve seen, but I think I’ve heard mention something about it once…” he trailed off, as did I.

I wondered off for a cup of hot black coffee, smiling about the idea of God and the Devil in a 2 man pony suit – clopping around, seemingly half lost on some arcaic battlefield, full of fragile fragile men.

Poor kid – first no santa – then no true love and now? Well, perhaps the idea of no God would just be to much for him to bear. So the mystical crystal dream of a shapeshifting deity will have to entertain. Until the sentence comes around.

I was kinda lucky in that all of my china was smashed up when I was young. And now, I don’t have to worry much about it. Now I only have to deal with other people giving me theirs. Filling up my empty old shelf.

Of course the door opens from time to time… as doors do. And God and the Devil put on the big bull suit... time for another heartbreaking silly waltz round the china shop.
Close calls and near falls – gasped hot delicate breath.
and sometimes all is lost – sometimes its just nicks and chips.

but the shopkeeper girl always refills the shelves – for barter or destruction.

Glass kittens – crystal buddhas – a little porcelain girl, that I’m so very found of.

.... Mad ramblin's of the truck stop drifter

2006-12-07T10:18:00.000-05:00

Hot Karl ate the candy that I had hidden in the icebox. I had no proof, but yet somehow I knew this truth in my very bones. This fact was an inseparable part of my existence. I did not want it to be thusly, but yet there it was… like a panic attack in a traffic jam, there was no way out of or around it.

I would have to confront him or suffer the continual loss of the only thing that I held dear and true in this mad mad world gone wrong.

Every night I awoke in a cold sweat. Out of lucid dreams were I was forced to watch as Hot Karl nibbled his way more and more into my life. He ate my hidden candy. Bought his way into the most intimate ways and imaginations of my very being… with Reese’s Pieces and Milk Duds.

That Fucking Son of a Bitch!!!!!

He would not rest or stop until he had devoured my whole existence. That mad ravenous loon! Oh if I could only stop him!! If only I had my old voice back. Perhaps he would listen to my #1 rap hits and take a brief respite, but he would not, nor would he ever let up. He ripped me open and I fell outta my wrapper, naked into his calloused hands from the word go. From my very birth and until my impending death I was being hunted.

This all went on maddeningly so until one day while sampling different varieties of jam, I realized that it had been completed. Hot Karl had eaten me all.

It was done.

He had finally devoured every last bit.

I sat quiet and looking – waiting for quite some time. But nothing happened. All had ceased.

That which was Hot Karl and that what was me had merged or perhaps you could say that in the devouring, that we were in fact the same, was revealed unto me.

Everything has been quite peaceful ever since. And now I wander about watching others run about and amuck. Running from Hot Karl. Running from the devourer.

I sit and laugh and sure some think its rude… but they’ll see. I have a knife and a fork in my pocket… I’ll show them... I will run them down and corner them.

I will eat their very fear. Showing them how good it is… there is nothing to be afraid of… We will have a communion and it will be revealed onto them as well, that we are indeed all one flesh!

Deez Nuts

2006-12-01T09:00:00.000-05:00

Drinking a cup of golden glitter with Socrates – I find myself wondering about it all – how we all come and go – like some strange cosmic chorus line.

Socrates drank every last drop without a moments hesitation – perhaps his greatest teaching. Christ too had a cup to drink but he wasn’t exactly thrilled.

Ahh hell, we all have a special bottle tucked away, mixed in with the rest of the stock at the bar. And this life is a bit of a drinking game. You must drink. So why not heartily? No one knows, though we all suck up to the bartender, but even he has never met the owner… for all we know there might not even be one.

I have a shot glass filled with a small plane ride into the Bahamas. Me and a few co-workers line em up. I aint thrilled. Its always a stiff drink. I don’t like planes. The caveman in me can’t come to grips with it… but the little kid in me loves the frosted side.

Well here goes.

Whiskey straight up - A little life and death on the side for splashing.

Eatin Communion with Old Bill

2006-11-20T15:22:00.000-05:00

I ran into Thor at the cop shop, he wasn’t in the mood for talk. So I went and go have coffee alone.

It was nice and hot and quiet, having coffee alone. I should go more often I thought. That I don’t go more often is a big shame and I should be punished. But alas, I wait in back yard with stick for hours and there is no punishment.

Oh life… no one ever come!

And I am sad suddenly. It all feels so goddamn sad – perhaps it is the autumn dusk. Whatever it is, it makes me feel very alone… and sad.

Life is strange… earlier I was happy at being alone and now I’m not, I’m sad. Sometimes I get all weird and worried that the sadness will swallow me up whole and last forever, that’s funny because I sure do wish that the happiness would swallow me and last forever. Just eat me up and toss me into its huge happy cookie eating mouth and crush me into some wild laughing bliss. It never does… no matter how much I beg and pray and no matter how good I am.

But one thing is for certain. Life would seem to have me in its old jaws and it just kinda tests and prods me with its rock like teeth and curious tongue. I can't really say if its good head or bad head, but more kinda like a distracted head – like its just sucking away at me slowly while it reads the train schedule or tries to remember just what it was that it wanted from the store.

Some may find all of this rather melon collie, but I find it strangley quite exuberant. I have no clue as to what will happen next. Will life crush me with its teeth or spit me out on the street. Will it make out on the dance floor like a couple of faux lesbians, or choke on the minty freshness.

The real unknowing in all of this makes me feel a little giddy and so fucking alive.

Serious Clowns

2006-11-10T11:40:00.000-05:00

There can be a simple wonderful devastation in sitting around and watching old people.

Some look just like little kids whose grown up costume has broken.
They seem a bit worried at first that someone may notice.
Defensive and perhaps a bit scared
Others of course… are no longer that concerned.
And its fucking gourgeous!
openly childlike… their costume is mostly eroded.
Only the colors of dissolved streamers and tangles of tinsel clinging here and there.
Crazy wigs with bits of confetti
They almost look like full blown clowns!
Wild makeup and funny hats!
wonder and amazement
at the coming and going
walking - almost a kinda labored waltzing
to some strange music
could almost look like fun.

Dragging around a decaying body
Those you have loved and known
dead or dying of various ailments
Being completely useless
perhaps being a burden

Life is funny
You shit your pants in the beginning
You shit your pants in the end
And in between?

All of this shit can become very very serious.

My prayer for you dear friend is that you don't get to concerned on sorting out the shit from fertilizer...
cuz that would be true madness

Ramblin' Election Day Blues

2006-11-07T09:54:00.000-05:00

"The house is haunted!" yelled an old drunk, pointing at his head, pointing at the sky.
But we all just kept scurrying on by, off to work.
"He's right ya know." I half whisper to a little girl, whose riding a pony on the elavator.
She just smiled, humming her song and offered me a swig of root beer. "Well this is my floor!" she smiled. Handing me the bottle. The doors opened and she and the pony galloped out into a roaring hail of gunfire.
I turned away and the doors closed behind her. Quiet except for the sound of Kenny G sucking for eternity
I wonder if I should buy a new pair of shoes... I thought aloud, sipping the warm sweet sassparilla.
On the next floor a kitten got on and sat opposite of me and stared directly a foot or 2 above my head. "Well hello little kitten!" I chuckled - her little gaze was unbroken.
We reached the next floor and she padded out into a smartly furnished reception area.
The doors closed and I mumbled to Kenny G, "Wonder how she pushes the buttons..."
"Maybe she doesn't." said Kenny G.

Overheard at The Sizzler

2006-10-14T11:17:00.000-05:00

"So if your business takes off an you have a mid-life crisis and maybe you wanna try an kill yourself?... I'm just saying I know a guy."

Later that same day i was going home when I heard a cover of the song "Boys of Summer" by Don Henley - the song was exactly the same only a touch faster and being sung by some new wave punk band boy. I of course would have changed the station but I was bound and gagged in the trunk... perhaps a story for another time...

Anywho the song pointlessly drags on until they get to the lyric "Out on the road today I saw a Dead Head sticker on a Cadillac"
Well our smart-n-sassy vocalist has replaced Dead Head with Black Flag. I have to admit I was a bit suprised.
I spent the next several days contemplating what former Black Flag frontman Henry Rollins possible reactions might be. I imagine they were something akin to the stages of grief, only perhaps a bit more bittersweet.
Somewhere inside though I imagine he had to be a bit flattered and maybe he even blushed a little smile, later on while catching his own glance in a bathroom mirror at IHOP
I imagine then he practiced scary faces in the same mirror until he was interupted by the assistant manager.

Got you all in check

2006-08-08T14:14:00.000-05:00

So I was driving to work this morning and a giant red bus passed me in the HOV lane. It wasn't until it passed that I realized and saw that it was Busta Rymes tour bus. as traffic would have it I was next to Busta's tour bus for a good 5 minutes - I found myself fantasizing that Busta himself was looking out the window at the morning rush hour traffic. And upon spotting me he would of course enjoy a laugh or two with one of his buddies about this sorry ass looking white dude in the beat up saturn wagon on his way to some lame ass job. I fantasized even futher, dreaming that perhaps Mr. Rymes would perhaps pen me into one of his dope songs. 'Honky Mutha Fucker in a Saturn' ect.
then the bus began to pull away from me, and I looked wistfully after - in passing it revealed a rainbow in the blue sky behind it.
What a marvelously strange life... consciousness evolves in countless way and plays for billions of year for just such a moment - WHOO-HA indeed sir!

reminds me of me

2006-07-29T08:52:00.000-05:00

I've been away awhile - overseas for a few months for work
It seems like I'm on a road to becoming more of an adult these days
I recently got a promotion and a nice raise and moved into a real nice house with my girlfriend and my cat
Of course I'm still bonkers - in a nice whimsical way of course ;)

The newspaper is sitting on the table
and there is an add for a local college
looking up at me
5 young people - 3 women 2 men -
all the races covered...whoa wait a minute! no asians!
they are all smartly dressed - ties and work clothes
good looking
they are all looking directly in the camera - smiling - confident
I guess if I went there I'd be smiling and confident too...
maybe I'd even be in this very same add - smiling confidently at myself
holding my own skull in my hands and pondering
"Just what the hell is going on!"

playing with Dad in the snow

2006-02-18T11:53:00.000-05:00

So my Dad died a couple of weeks ago... he was 75. His name was Wilber and he was a gentle loving soul.

I am overwhelmed with gratitude at having him for a Dad. He laughed and cried easily... he put his arm around every person who came through his door and asked em if they wanted something to eat. He lived a good life, worked hard, and loved open and freely. He left my Mom behind, his wife of 53+ years.
When I went with my mom & sister to see my Dads body for the last time (he had donated his body to science, so it wasn't at the funeral) he was just laying there as if asleep... I put my hand over his heart and kissed his forhead... told him I loved him as I had many times before....it was really hard and tore my heart wide open to see my mother kiss him for the last time. She was sobbing "Ohhh I loved you so much!" I wept openly...
everything is very simple and very very transient.
My mother said to me later in disbelief "It all went by so fast."

and I guess that what struck me the clearist in all of this - in that it all happens pretty fast and we all die... so be free... enjoy the ride... laugh and cry and all that new age BS - death claims it all back in the end anyway - so why not spend every fucking last bit of yer heart?!!!

Pumpkin pie

2005-12-25T11:45:00.000-05:00

There is a pumpkin patch growing wild
I can see it from my window.

I know that sooner or later
there will be the noise and the gasoline
mingling with
the smell of grass and pumpkins being torn apart

perhaps someday I shall be able to buy such an aroma
from a very pretty but awkward girl over a glass counter
$89.99 for .75 ozs

and perhaps the pumpkin destroyer will come and kiss
the back of the awkward pretty girls hand
and passion and glass will break...

that aroma will sell for at least 119.99

and how come its always the small simple things
that break your heart.

Scientists have discovered...

2005-12-20T09:56:00.000-05:00

that drinking beer while petting a cat is good for you! Though further tests achieved some 6 billion variations of results, most were generaly found to be positive.
In other news scientists were also said to have finally figured out the meaning of life. But just before a sceduled press conference the therem was retested and found to no longer hold true.

Thinking things should be different..... is a kinda Hell.

2005-12-03T02:53:00.001-05:00

I had been drifting for awhile... and I don't rightly know how long of awhile that it has been - it had seemed quite a long while, but then it all became so goddamn enjoyable that I kinda lost track of time - then suddenly something in me was ripped clean out and off - like kinda hazy cotton gauze. And then I am suddenly more lucid and clear than I have ever been. I look up at the night sky and it is as if I could breathe all the crisp blackness right on in... and It all just kept rushing in... so refreshing and deep. soooo simple.
I smile and wonder.... how it all feels, and am quietly blown away & amazed by the echo.
I look and everything is this kind of seeing that finds nothing but an endless movement - it is a movement that becomes a stasis - a resonance - a gong sounding that is in fact its own ear - of course there is no way to explain this or put this into words. just more silly drunken laughter...
It is as it always is - how could anything be any diferent?

everyone has thier Waterloo

2005-11-30T14:38:00.000-05:00

I've been riding the rollercoaster lately... and I have begun to notice that whatever the predominant feeling is... at any given moment - the other half of the experience is always right here, deep within the mix.
I have noticed this... that when I feel really good there seems to be a tether, a few strands of fear that whisper to me "The higher you go, the harder the fall." like some kinda karmic ballast.
But in this moment, I eat every last bit of it. Every last bit of the experience is sopped up with the bisciut of existence. I laugh and cry, sob and smile until I merge and explode into the lion of the heart. But even in this heart there is a small hole murmur.
The lion is mortal as all experience is. Nothing lasts. The gods will tire and put us all away - much like a game of monopoly.
pieces houses babies kisses shotgun blasts and hotels - they and more, all come and go.
The boy runs hot. The boys runs cold. The boy trickles and drips like a bored leaky faucet. And its not enough to quench anyones thirst, only enough so as to taunt those who are thirsty. Either the cup has hole in it or your thirst is endless...
The fix is in my friends!
- so sit back and enjoy this free game, where you are taken for everything yer worth - theres not a bad seat in the house!

indeed!

2005-11-24T01:45:00.001-05:00

Ahhhhh! then I gits drunk and I fall in love with everything again
I have a friend or three, that I especially like -
but ssshhitt!
I can really honestly say I enjoy everything... soo deeply!
sometimes I am overcome with sadness
or petty traffic angery
its like a strange weather
and then... other times...
such peaceful bliss
such quiet slo- motion exploding - laughing for like ever after
hmmm..... how is it one comes to find oneself
confessing thier love to a machine that feeds you?!!

"It all just happens" says a fat retarded kid.
"Well, no shit socrates!" I smile, tusling his hair and shattering his fear
with this like all devouring love.
and the fat retarded kid is hip - he pitches me a nickle and roars for like ever after.
and I can still taste his chocolate milk joy
in the purr of the eternal soul of being
Ahhfuckinmen! you beautiful awesome fucks!
- Sugar Delicious

the test

2005-11-13T03:24:00.003-05:00

I am really, really stoned so I apologize…

Just sitting here thinking about experiences and people
And a strange smile
A shit eating grin is plastered on my face.

Its all so gooddamn mind blowingly wild
Who gives a shit about me or anyone else
Everything just having all its experiences
Tap dancing around itself like
Lovers
Like murderers
Like bad Jim Morrison poetry.

Two people hiding the same snack from one another
In the same fridge

How deliciously mad!
A World War III of love

Its better that than nothing!
Alone?!!! Its just a torturing Death!
One man Waiting for Godot
And not even a audience
Not even a puppy
Happy to see him… (laughter)

I read a poem one time in one of them high school poetry mag compilations, about someone wondering if Jesus Christ had a dog – so when he was hanging on the cross he didn’t feel lonely. I laughed and then I cried but then I was left with this same silly shit eating grin…

The same one as I have now.

Life is hard sometimes and its strange and painful and boring – sometimes its wonderful love and laughter and ease – like /***98(cat typing) silence – it is a complete mystery to me that is sooo simple that I can’t even begin to speak about it... nor can I stop babbling.
(laughter) thankfully it doesn’t matter.

Thank God! I was worried that there was going to be a test.
(more laughter)

wanderin

2005-10-31T10:19:00.000-05:00

The same ant wanders in the sun
same as the wind & smell of autumn
same from when I was a child

the same joy
or dissapointment

the whim of desire

fullfilled or unfullfilled

and thats a lot of llll's
they seem to go on and on

some say that we are going somewhere
others say that we have already arrived

the ant don't say nothing - and I agree whole heartedly with the wind

whats gonna happen... is whats gonna happen - so relax

2005-10-14T00:58:00.000-05:00

it can be painful - till everything jangles all loose and free
nightmares and beautiful dreams
chase each other like a strange form of intergalactic grab ass
the momentum keeps the whole thing afloat
til god knows when
thankfully
sorrowfully
forever don't exist
it was just some kinda idea

you can hold anything up
look at it
and sooner or later
it'll be profound
or stupid
boring
funny
everything and nothing

and while I'm in the pulpit I may as well sum up the Bagavad Gita...

2005-10-01T11:10:00.000-05:00

Summer had just ended. I had just started 5th grade after the Labor Day weekend. All of my classmates were, one by one getting up in front of class and reading their requisite "What I did last summer" story. I of course whom had a pechant for not doing silly wastefull things like homework, had no such report to give.
Who has the time for homework when you have a Donald Duck impression to work on and war scenes to draw.
So when I got up to give my report, I held a few oddly blank pages... I stood in the front of class and the tension built a few beats.
"What I did on my summer vacation. by Jade Bos
I got drunk and I fell down..."
My 5th grade teacher, Jean Claudon, had very long and sharp finger nails, I remember thinking over the din of laughter as she drug me out into the hall - she shook me like a muppet and she had this hot & spitting breath. Over the years I would come to know many a shaking woman with hot spitting breathe - that and the tear red vibrantly alive eyes - like somekinda betrayed magical animal that was beyond all comprehension - they seemed to be looking for something and thought I might have it or be keeping them from it... but I guess I always kept it well hide - red heart in a dense black tangle.
Glimpses - dreams - a clearing in the forest
a simple quiet moment
bouldless joy
for no reason at all

now look here

2005-09-14T22:56:00.000-05:00

Somebody said something one time
and it was really beautiful.
Somebody said something one time
and it was really ugly.
Somebody said something one time
and it made you cry.
Somebody said something one time
and you were glowing for hours...

God spoke and the word became flesh.

what happened next the pope couldn't condone.

Someone said something one time
and your mother died.
Someone said something one time
and the parking meter ran outta money.

"Life is a boundless mystery..."
said a lizard, thoughtfully smoking a pipe

everybody knows that you may already be a winner
but I know
that your already dead

I went to the funeral
and everyone was being picked off
as if by a sniper
one by one
of course the authorities showed up
but they never found,
anyone.

oh sure there were clues!
tantalizingly & delicious clues!

but the prime suspect turned out to be
a 8yr old little girl
and her alibi's were ROCK SOLID!

an entire petting zoo and about 6 million years of anticipation.

Born to be practical :(

2005-09-09T00:03:00.000-05:00

I was just informed by the television that women will have sex with a man who owns and drives a Harley Davidson motorcycle! Thing is, I really like sex, but I don't like motorcycles. So I'm not sure how to proceed... Perhaps I shall watch some more of this TV and wait for some more advice and perhaps it will reveal a more practical option. Hopefully one that is inexpensive and safe. But I guess that's the allure of a pricey motorcycle... Expensive danger! hmmmm...
Who knows? Maybe someday the ladies will really be into whimsical mystics who drive economical used cars...
A drunk kitten can always dream!

Meow Meow comes around

2005-08-31T22:01:00.000-05:00

I was in Barnes and Noble when all at once I began to feel really really good. I was heroically riding the escalator to the upper level, one foot raised onto the step in front of me... like Washington crossing the Potomac. I had a mouth full of sweet berry crumble cake and both guns blazing. Etheric energy and light were pouring from the top of my head. Tendrils of warm shimmering green light were arcing some 30 feet above me and then cascading down like thunderous waterfalls of lumniscent horse shit, splattering down to the plaza below.
Like I said, I felt really really good.
"Outta my way Nigga's!" I shouted at the listless marching band of old women who wandered aimlessly around a table of discounted books. They all turned, but only slightly as if they had almost remembered something, but then they forgot it again. They were all humming different tunes that would never hamonize except for the last note, which was always a B flat. I was briefly mesmerized but tore myself away. I was on a mission... but I didn't know that yet.
(to be continued)

Think globably bitches!

2005-08-29T21:32:00.000-05:00

Someday I will meet a nice girl on Yahoo personals and we will go to Starbucks, Applebees, and to the AMC movie theatre. We will look into each others eyes and forget everything.
She will take me shopping for a new wardrobe at the Old Navy and suggest Trojan condoms and we will melt into one as radiant bliss!
We will get HAPPILY married and have our wedding registry at Macy's. We will honeymoon in Venice, which after years of neglect was subsumed by the ocean. The name was consequently bought by Disney and a exact replica was built several miles away. We will buy a Honda and our baby will be sponsored by Google's baby name search and our house will be finaced by Bank of America.
I will catch my wife spoon feeding a Re/Max real estate agent a Oreo Blizzard from Dairy Queen and I shoot them both with a Remington Shotgun. I will douse our house with Shell gasoline while sobbing uncontrollably and drinking Jack Daniel's whiskey. Someone will read my fantastic blog, (sponsored by google) and make a movie based on these wild beautiful sad accounts and everyone will see it, much to the thrill of Warner Bros.
Everyone will all know in their hearts, But only realize after it is mentioned by an AP writer for USA today, that if only I had thought globaly and acted localy... perhaps this whole tragic existence coulda been adverted.

Internet dating!

2005-08-27T00:18:00.000-05:00

The following is my initial foray into the world of internet dating. I'm not really looking for true love or to have kids or anything but there seems to be a lack of women around me so in a effort or strange advetisement to scare up some femine energy I have enlisted the help of my friend machine!
Anyway I sent this message to a girl, the only girl I might add who looked a little different and wasn't looking for Mr. Right and true love... and she never replied. I know its so sad... maybe she's died or something or maybe she moved or maybe my overzealous patter scared like a young doe back into the woods! HAHAHAHHAA!
you be the judge!

Hey - wow! I've never contacted anyone on a dating onlime thingy before... I feel kinda strange and dirty but yet bouyant and spring fresh... actually I'm not interested in you at all... I'm a add exec and I've contacted you to tell you about some exciting new advances in body wash.
There is a new ginger/mint concoction that is so intoxicatingly smashingly springtastic that even 113 yr old chinese women on thier death beds have been known to tear phone books in half with one hand while sipping Harvey Wallbangers and looking absolutely radiant - so much so that they melt deep arctic frost... and only after 3 weeks of use!!
Actually this is why I am bringing this offer to you and to you alone. If the whole world were to git their grubby little mitts on said body wash all of the polar ice caps would melt and then we would all be very very sad... and wet. But very refreshed and so sassily rejuvinated! Ahh a boy can dream can't he?!!
Sooo Miss *****... if I may be so bold.... yes indeed south Florida is a strange and mysterious place where most are shiny and buff and you can almost hear their neon hearts abuzz beneath the generic thumbing bass - but perhaps once my parole is over... I can move back to South Dakota and finish my sculpture... Mount Rushmore!!!! perhaps you've heard of it???! well it is not finished! the presidents shall be life sized AND NUDE and copulating with the divine mother earth! Ahh what a sight it will be to behold!

As you can tell I am in a strange & fun mood - Its the thunderstorm methinks. Well I hope my little silly rant has brought a smile to your face and I would love to have a cup of coffee or perhaps some exotic green tea or perhaps take in some heart breakingly beautiful french film sometime.
drop me a line
Jade
P.S. if you wanna git liquored up and crank call me in the middle of church tommorrow my cell number is (%$_^!*(@!@ - I'll put you on the speaker phone:)

Little Debbie - Little Debbie! musings

2005-08-26T13:15:00.000-05:00

Lets see what happens if I eat a Little Debbie Star Crunch first thing in the morning?
hmmm...
1:41 PM Star Crunch inhaled in all its crunchy chocolatey goodness - actually the after taste is a little chemically- waxy and they are too small! - but you get 12 of these cosmic(tm) snacks for 1.29 so maybe I should have 2?
I know your thinking 1:41pm is first thing in the morning?! and at .10 apiece these things must be made from nuclear waste!
1:41 PM 2cnd Star Crunch eaten - this is Science! people!
My cat is looking at me like she wants one... she smells it for a few seconds and then runs off into the next room to sit in the window sill. Probably needs some fresh air! So I win her over with some Grilled turkey feast in Gravy - Cats Fucking love Gravy!!!
I will make some coffee whilst I wait for the sugar and nuclear waste to kick in...

I decide to make a latte - using my cheap espresso machine Lite vanilla soy milk & Cafe' Bustello - I also decide to play my impeccable collection of pirated mp3's courtesy of Limewire - I play them shuffled - Obsession is the surprise winner of the random shuffling computer program! A big hit by Animation which had been lost in my vague Duran Duran memories file - but now this little gem has been unearthed again for pure fresh enjoyment - I will leave it at that.
My head is feeling a little buzzy and swirls with blissful energy - its a kinda cross between Samadi and a sugar high - the come down of both of these sucks! but the sugar high you can blame on physiology where as the Samadi come down you blame on yourself or God!:)
Screamin' Jay Hawkins is on now putting a spell on me - maybe later I will crash and post cryptic poetry or bitch about how Sex Toys always come in stupid colors or something!
PS the above still life of Little Debbies is a painting by Mollie Moore Armstrong & it can be purchased for $200 here http://www.molliearmstrong.com/still_life_little.htm
ahh now the Jackson 5 - ABC - holy shit! they were good!
Well I gotta go see if I can find that little debbie - little debbie walk like a camel song! TTFNMF!

2005-08-25T19:31:00.000-05:00

Hey its...
Hurricane Time!

I left work early- got some ice, some beer, and some little debbies. Now I am prepared.
and I still have electricity. HAHAHAHAHAH!
I watch preseason football & taunt the Gods! and tommorrow no work!
later I get drunk and wander storm with a angry mob of water fowl!

The High Life

2005-08-25T02:42:00.000-05:00

Ahhhh! The human condition!!!

I spent the better part of my life and my entire summer vacation in between 4th and 5th grade trying to figure it all out.

People, I have failed!

So now that I'm done with all of that I guess I'll just hang out and see wha happens.

smiling in mah sleep

2005-08-22T21:38:00.000-05:00

HAHA!
I realize I have been serious for quite some time now - I seem to swing between hyperly silly and really really serious... but maybe I'll jump off of this swing and sit down and drink cool cold beer in some late summer dusk with everything... especially you.
I'm tired of all this serious spiritual BS - ohh its OK.
its just so boring - and dumb and pointless.

I don't know anymore

.....and its a damn good feeling.

its kinda like lucid dreaming but I'm done trying to fuck all the girls and done trying to fly... if that happens sure. mmmmm
So I find myself sitting outside my front door as some ancient immortal boy shows me pictures of the last fish he ever caught - he smiles and is happy - he looks at me and laughs and laughs - plays with my ears - and runs off with some other kids
Its strange how much enjoyment everything is mmmmmmmmm.

Abandon

2005-08-06T18:19:00.000-05:00

I've been hypnotized by tantalizing glimples
that have magicaly been turned into a dream
a dream of what life could and should be.

I think I was born with it
and it fucking taunts me
every step of the goddamn way!

OK!!! I'm ready for it to fucking happen!
I'm ready for my inheritence!
I'm ready to finaly open up and be!
and to let life & love all run ripshod on through me
with women dancing abandoned
to mind blowing music...
a music that my heart has always known.

I wonder if Christ had the same knawing delusions
as he hung on a piece of wood in his tore up dirty undies
a muddy hile in some vacant lot
surounded by a few assholes and some cops
his friends all done run off
momma crying and a girl he didn't have the guts to love
...abandoning them again
just as God had abondoned him

dying the worst death immaginable...
a failed life
a heart falling short of its aim
nothing he could do

wonder if he knew that millions would be slaughtered in his name?
and if he did - why not just keep turning the water into wine
and kiss the girl?
the son of God and what a shitty life...
what a fucking loser
just like me

maybe he had no choice or power to change a thing?

but don't take anyones word for it.
least of all mine
just go on ahead and hop in and go where you wanna go!
but when the car goes left...
no matter how hard you crank the wheel to the right...
when you slide over the edge
into the wreck of existence
know that this is a free ride
and you were born into it
you've got no control

The steering wheel
steers nothing but your delusions.

ya might as well sit back and relax
like that fat boy sitting under the tree
or that jew nailed to it
you can scream or be silent
you can chant mantras, meditate or pass out
it don't matter

there aint no one to hear you in any way
but everything
we all die alone.
All is abandon
there is no thing...

fuuuuck
and this don't mean a thing
until it is.

when you go over the edge
the edge that is always right here
you know, the inevitable edge?!
when God abandons you
when you abandon you & the dream of life-n-love
who knows...
who is left?

see what happens...
live in this abandon
and find out

Who are you?

Anything more pathetic than arguing bout love?!!!

2005-04-30T10:49:00.000-05:00

You can use all the old Sanskrit words
pull out all the old texts
quote all yer gurus and the masters
but you are wandering around in the desesrt with a broken cup - a cup that once held a few drops of water

You are afraid to let go and fall into the heart
because the miserable asshole that you think you are will drown
"THis is crazy! I need to learn how to swim first! I need to study the words and recipes!" I need to prepare for some furture!"
you are afraid
its ok
I get afraid to
trying to maintain some delicate balance and order
till the master comes in and knocks me from my pedestal with the thoughtless and blissful dancing
"NO!" I scream!
so afraid as I smash into the million pieces that I thought I was -
so happy - such tears as the water that I was holding out all this time comes rushing in
washing the heart clean and new as it was and has always been
namaste
to all
and unless you are singing
Shut THE FUCK UP!
this is a place is for lovers only.

Rabbits

2005-03-10T04:14:00.000-05:00

I was happy:) and then I was sad:(
I was being torn apart by the polar opposites of emo and cynism. so I became a absurd lie poking fun at me own heart and of course we all know that hearts don't like jokes. they are always serious and so sad and beautiful with pretty mussed up hair!
so I made fun of everything until nothing real and deep existed. Then I created my own universe to see if anyone or thing could come up with a solution. Of course the sex was pretty hot and the drugs were delicious, but the old age and death still sucked and so did the shallow smooth pretty ego freaks and the wise were all old & wrinkly and the funny were all outta control or scared the normal were still all to drugged or distracted to do anything but bitch!
So I kept coming back to square one, you know the really simple and elagant one that says "WHATS THE FUCKING POINT?!!!"

"Funny you should ask?!!" says a cartoon rabbit, who suddenly appears from nowhere. Hes holding a huge joint in one hand and a even huger gun in the other (.44 magnum, crome with the 12 inch barrel:)
"Whats with the gun?" I nervously venture
"You gotta light?" he purrs as he hands me the gun and I hand him a lighter "Well' he puffs 'Seems like you've read to many damn books and ya got to many answers and other peoples stories in yer head. So I'm here to clear some shit out! Smart guy!"
"Oh yeah?!!!' I say ' Please tell me what is it?"

"I aint here to give you more answers bucko.' he chuckles, 'but I will leave you with this... YOU CAN'T MAKE LOVE AND WRITE A BOOK AT THE SAME TIME!"

"What the hell does that mean? Like I ever tried to..."ITS A METAPHOR DUMB ASS! SUCK ON IT! DON'T THINK! YOU'LL KNOW IT, WHEN YOU ARE IT!"
"Are you gonna talk in caps the whole time?" I smile
"ha-ha. I'm not hear to be your friend, slap-nuts' he says quietly as he hands me the joint. 'AND NOW I WANT YOU TO KILL ME!"
"Who the fuck you talking to?" I say turning in a circle
"YOUR THE ONE WITH A GUN IN YOUR HAND." says the rabbit.
"You gave it to me." I protest "Its your gun." levels the rabbit.
And he's right.
"NOW SHOOT ME!"
"whaaa? why would I? I couldn't."
"Its a dream,Dum-Dum, SHOOT ME!"
So I took a toke and exhaling I squeezed off a round into his pretty blue expectant cartoon eyes. I was suprised at the loud noise and scared when he screamed and cried and died in my arms sobbing. It felt like my heart was breaking - like I was being torn into a million pieces... but then all the pieces turned into real rabbits and hopped away in a million directions.
Then I stand up... and I'm a green field and the dawn is breaking - the birds song and fragrant crisp breeze blows right thru me.

Slaming

2005-03-04T23:53:00.000-05:00

I've started doing poetry slams - It seems important to me in some way for me to stand up in front of a bunch of people and try and talk about the shit we never talk about or the shit that we are all too cynical and cool or smart to talk about - you know love and death ect. I've only done a couple and I've gotten my ass kicked!!! I went to some Barnes and Noble to a poetry reading and it was 10 really old people sitting in a circle reading poems - The slam I go to is at a cool ass bar called Dada's you get on a mic in front of the whole bar (30-40 people maybe) and there are speakers for the folks sitting outside - needless to say I was pretty fucking nervous my first time - I guess I gotta memorize and maybe do that slam kinda rhyming rhythm thing - I dunno - I don't just wanna perform - I can do that - shit I've done that my whole life - I would like to do something real - I think maybe I'll do what they do only with my own stuff and then kick thier ass! hahaha then I'll take it apart and explore from there - ala Coltrane
anyway its about as much fun as a 30 something working class stiff can have on a tuesday night - basically its hard and I'm not that good at it - and thats good stuff for me I've found
keep on keeping on people!

Lion of the Heart

2005-01-08T17:25:00.000-05:00

Back in the days before spam, I used to send people e-mails from made up personas.
If my persona was a girl, all the boys would reply
with mucho enthuso!
But the girls would always be suspicious,
"WHO ARE YOU?!! - HOW DID YOU GET MY ADDRESS!"
How strange and different it must be to be a woman.

And then when spam started I would reply to the spam, curious as to why I would want horse cock and low finacing and who were they and really who am I? Who are WE? and what does it all mean... ect

but my queries always just got sent back to me unanswered

So of course I grew frustrated and took drugs,
like any quaker would. I began carrying smooth things in my pockets and babblin' reading dictionaries and laughing and laughing.

My friends became worried and somewhat annoyed, but people and experiences I had never known would wander into my play.

A man at ease with chaos and contradictions
is hard to find I guess
but I proved to be unstable
like a drunken little bird
or a crazy person on the street
so much fun for a few minutes
but no one ever took me home

so I just roamed and grew wilder and crazier
like some dandelion comet
like a box of kittens that turn out to be rabid

I wanted everybody to love me
but I also wanted to be worshipped
ask Keourac about how beautifully painful that is
people can only worship dead things
and most are afraid to love something they can't
control

So now I find myself sitting on the porch
and I can smell dinner cooking
I can even see the family through the screen door
but i can't come in
and they can't hear me, even if I did have the guts to scream

but then the gods yawn
and everybodies swallowed whole again
a robot wanders outta the barn
and lights my cigarette
and tells me I should stop carring on so

"its all a play and a gift
so whattya so afraid of?!!! he skreaked

Death?

Only if yer scared ta truly live are ya scared of death
cuz then death comes and you realize you never lived
never spoke your heart
and that hurts - that really fucking hurts"

"So I guess I'm just afraid of looking foolish?!!"
I mutter to no one imparticular
The robot just looks at me and laughs and laughs
till he jangles and stumbles
and all his bolts come loose and he is reduced to nothing but a
pile
of scrap - but then the pile twitters and chirps all
busy and small
and alights into a flock of birds
that flies away singing

and I begin to weep suddenly
till I feel a lion move in my heart
and this resonates through my whole being
until there is a kind of breaking open like the sun
devouring the chill that I thought I was

AHAHAHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!

from him to her

2005-01-07T17:26:00.000-05:00

just to say something that will resonate
in your heart
of your whole being

so that you will come to know nothing
but this
so you will finally know that you are love
that have always been love
and will always be love

and all the searching and wanting
all the desires
and the longing that is always
here

is in fact
your heart
your heart is singing

I can feel it
deeper than any sound
because it resonates in my heart as well
for they are the same

I can see and feel it rather plainly
as I'm sure some others do

but we all feel so goddamn lost and shy
like we don't fit or belong
so we pretend and try to fit

instead of having the guts
to call out all the bullshit
and openly live

I need you
or more simply
I need your singing heart
it keeps me honest
it gives me the guts

to cut through all the BS
not just the worlds
but yours and mine

so we can meet in this heart
and be destroyed and reborn
again and again
as love

2 old men

2005-01-07T17:23:00.000-05:00

2 old men approach each other
in the early morning green

thier tiny dogs
lunging
with teeth bared

the wind

2005-01-07T17:22:00.000-05:00

slowly winds down
the street
aimless & wandering

like some
old man trying
to remember
trying very hard
to remember
what it was
that was so
important
that caused such
a fuss

but now he's
happily lost
wandering in the
fragrant shade

nothing left but a
child

Wildly

2005-01-03T23:02:00.000-05:00

wildly growing and flowing all around
this...

what is this?

who are you?

you who gives birth and takes life
you who murders and makes love
you who comes and goes
you who suffers terrible loneliness
you who gets lost in the crowd

you
wonderful
awful

destroyer & creator

I've seen you smile outta the corner of my eye
at funerals
I've seen you openly weep in loves full embrace
and I've felt you shaking in the darkness
I've drank your silence in the bright early morning

I've seen you wrung out in boredom
lost and tired
frustrated by the complete meaninglessness

I've felt your sighs rip open into roaring laughter until your head fell off
and you were new once again

like a child

fresh and simple
again and again

wildly growing and flowing all around...

Waiting

2004-12-23T22:51:00.000-05:00

I am waiting for more money
I am waiting to get in shape
I am waiting for my vacation
I am waiting for everything to become clear

I am waiting for her
to show and save me

I am waiting for love

waiting is tremendous suffering
waiting for how I think and feel things should be
waiting for just the right moment
waiting for the miracle
waiting for an e-mail
waiting for the call
waiting for the TV show to start
waiting to live

I don't know much
but I am tired of waiting

I am at the train station
and the trains don't stop
they keep passing me by
it’s getting cold and dark
and soon everything will be closed
a few old stragglers gather their things
to leave
I see a friend walking away across the street
I shout - but they disappear into the darkness
A beautiful woman in black fur begins to cry
she is on the other side of the platform
alone except for a few suitcases
she glances at me
with a small helpless smile
and it as if an arrow shatters my heart
she turns and walks away sobbing
I sit helpless and alone
weeping
as my blood runs into the ground
it is completely dark
and so very cold

Suddenly the howling wind
is pierced by the trains whistle
and I am the sun
slow motion exploding
a lion breaking forth from my heart
I open my mouth and the ocean is born
I see you and you are the laughter of flowers
then what seems like a million birds alight from my head
singing and boundless

my love when you are closed
let this lightening strike you
let it strike your heart
let it set you free